


we will never believe again (preach electric to a microphone stand)

by asilra



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Developing Friendships, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Strangers to Lovers, almost a songfic but not quite thank god, oh yeah, open mic night, they make tea again because That's A Thing i write??, this has been sitting nearly-finished in my docs for Too Long, you bet your ass i finally made a coffee shop au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-04-16 06:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14159163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asilra/pseuds/asilra
Summary: “How’s everyone doing tonight?” The girl asks. The cafe patrons let out a surprisingly enthusiastic ‘whoop’, and Evan finds himself genuinely smiling for perhaps the first time that evening.“In case this is your first time at open mic, or for some reason you don’t know, I’m Zoe, and this is my brother, Connor, and we’re pretty much regulars here on Thursdays.”***or, in which one fateful thursday, evan hansen makes a friend at his work's weekly open mic night





	1. come together, come apart

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO!!!!! as of 27/7/18 this is like. a two-part finished fic. god bless my dumb perseverance. thank you all for being so patient. enjoy <3

_‘Quaint’_ would probably a good word to describe Déjà Brew Café. Nestled well into a strip of small stores, the shopfront painted a soft, subtle pale blue. The interior, furnished with wooden chairs and tables, also featured a makeshift stage. Relatively low prices and free Wi-Fi made it a popular café among students at the local college.

It also seemed like an ideal place to get a job.

Open mic night just so happened to fall on Evan Hansen’s third shift at Déjà Brew Cafe. Evan was not a people person. He really wasn’t. He supposed it was attributed to the, y’know, crippling social anxiety, and hey, it was just a sad fact of his life. The only reason he’d applied to the job in the first place was for the money. His mom had never done too well financially, and with college fees piling up, it seemed like a great opportunity to easily earn some extra cash. That, and Jared Kleinman had basically dragged Evan’s ass up to the manager, telling Evan he “wanted some company at work” because he “got bored easily”. Jared had been kind of an ass since the two had met in preschool, but he was still Evan’s closest friend. And a very persuasive one, at that. If Evan had to deal with a couple occasional customers, so be it. It’d be fine, he told himself.

It was not fine.

Seriously, this place was definitely packed beyond capacity, and who knew that open mic night was so popular around here? Who knew that so many people would show up for a bunch of local college kids singing half-hearted covers of obscure indie songs and reading their own sappy poetry? Who knew that so many customers would order caramel lattes with low-fat-soy-milk-thanks?

Evan certainly did not.

Jared was in charge of making the drinks tonight, and Evan was stuck up front with Alana, an enthusiastic, overachieving girl who he’d gone to high school with, and who he now went to college with. She had a habit of applauding extra loudly after every act, and normally Evan would find that nice. He’d find it supportive and cheery and wholesome, but right now it’s just  _too much._

 

As the current act ends, he’s about to turn to Alana, to excuse himself for a quick break, just to get some _air._ While he’s mentally preparing himself to just _ask,_ just say “ _Hey would you mind if I stepped out for a second?”_ because _what’s so hard about that, Evan,_ onto the stage step two of the most radiant people Evan Hansen has ever seen in his life.

He doesn’t think he’s ever described anyone as ‘radiant’ before, except for his mom this one time when he’d seen pictures of her at her high school graduation way back when. But ‘radiant’, he thinks, is quite the fitting descriptor for the performers.

One of the two is a tall man, about his age, with long, curly brown hair and a cutting jawline. The warm lights of the cafe make his skin glow, and despite the bags lining his eyes, his allure is still shockingly apparent. The other is a girl, slightly younger perhaps, with long golden brown hair and a subtle, perfect smile. It eventually settles into his mind that the odd lights are distracting him, and that he’s seen them before.

Yep, that’s right. The girl _(Chloe? He thinks her name might be Chloe)_ is in his Intro to Psychology class, and he’s pretty sure he’s seen the guy talking to his English Lit professor after class once or twice. From back at the till, Evan can spot some resemblance that he’d never noticed before. Side-by-side, it seems obvious that they’re related. They flaunt the same strong cheekbones, sharp jawlines, and both hold themselves the same way.

Only once the pair are seated on the bar stools adorning the stage does it dawn on Evan that the acoustic guitar being held by Chloe _(?)_ is littered with stickers. She adjusts her microphone slightly before addressing the crowd. Evan thanks his lucky stars that no one is buying a drink at the moment, and decides to take his break after this set. Just. Just to see how it is. How they are.

 

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” The girl asks. The cafe patrons let out a surprisingly enthusiastic ‘whoop’, and Evan finds himself genuinely smiling for perhaps the first time that evening.

“In case this is your first time at open mic, or for some reason you don’t know, I’m Zoe, and this is my brother, Connor, and we’re pretty much regulars here on Thursdays.”

Zoe, not Chloe, looks at Connor and smiles before she begins to strum. To Evan’s surprise, it’s Connor, the quiet and semi-mysterious one, who opens his mouth and starts to sing.

_“If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed, then we should feed our jewelry to the sea.”_

_Wow._ This guy’s voice is nice. More than nice. Evan thinks he vaguely recognises the song, but can’t quite put a name to it.

_“For diamonds do appear to be, just like broken glass to me.”_

As the song progresses, Zoe joins her brother to sing the harmony lines. As it turns out, _Zoe-not-Chloe_ from Intro to Psych and _Mystery Lit Guy Connor_ are a talented pair of siblings.

Not to mention… they’re both really attractive.

Evan scolds himself. _Now is not the time to be a bisexual disaster. Calm down and enjoy the music._

After the song comes to an end, both Connor and Zoe take a moment to have a sip of water, and Evan swears that Mystery Lit Guy Connor is looking straight at him. Evan can feel his hands start to get clammy, and tries to subtly wipe them on his pants, and reassure himself.

_I mean, he’s probably just looking here because he wants a drink. I am the cashier, after all. That’s it. It’s not because I have something on my face or my hair is messed up or my name badge is lopsided, ohgodwhatifitispleasedontbejesuschrist-_

Evan’s spiraling thoughts are cut off with the sound of guitar, as Zoe begins to play their second song. This time, once Connor begins to sing, Evan doesn’t think he recognises the lyrics.

_“I, I, I, I can’t explain a thing. I, I, I, I want everything to change and stay the same- oh, time doesn't care about anyone or anything.”_

This song is more up-tempo, and while trying to see if he knows of it, it occurs to Evan; he recalls the first song from his childhood. Probably some hit pop-punk jam that he’d heard frequently on the radio. He’s sure Jared knows it.

_“Come together, come apart, only feel lonely when you read the charts.”_

The song continues, Zoe-not-Chloe joining in again, and like before, Evan feels himself encaptured in Connor’s magical voice. It’s not like any singing voice he’s heard before- a little rough around the edges, but still overall warm and peaceful. Connor’s voice feels like home, in some odd, sincere way.

The song ends, and Evan joins in when the audience applauds. For their next song, which is something that Evan knows is from Lorde’s new album, Zoe leads the vocals - the audience finally gets to experience her voice to its full potential, and it truly is something special, too. The siblings finish off their set with a song by Hozier that Evan distinctly recognizes as _Sedated_. Connor goes back to lead the vocals.

The applause after that is deservedly thunderous. Evan thinks that Connor might be smiling - his first full smile of the night - when he and Zoe go to take their bows, and Evan just. Takes in that image. He realizes that he’d been leaning more and more forward during the act, and currently has his arms propped up on the counter.

 

“Heart eyes for Mr. Emo, eh?”

Evan jumps, and whirls around to meet Jared and his rapidly wiggling eyebrows.

“No, Jared, I-”

“Not your type, then. It’s okay, I get it. How about Mr. Emo’s sister?”

“ _Jared-_ ”

“Both then. Wow, Evan, didn’t think you’d be game.”

“Shut up, Jared, I’m just-”

“Not even denying it. Sorry to break it to you Evan, but you have to pick one.”

Evan stands there, mouth gaping. He can hear his heart beating loudly in his chest and people moving around on stage.

“I’ve gotta tell you, though, Mr. Emo seems like he’d be more fun in bed. Sis on the other hand? Tender and loving. Gentle. Probably more of your type, though, I suppose. But, if I’m being honest here-”

“JARED, SHUT UP.” Evan’s voice rises an octave, and he knows that there are probably people staring at him, but. Like. Jared. Just. Ugh.

“Suit yourself, acorn. Have fun.”

 

With that, Jared returns to the various machines behind Evan. Alana’s either gone down the back or further into the shop somewhere as well, so Evan can’t run off for his break now. Instead, he decides to busy himself with wiping down the counter, listening to some bad poetry from up in the direction of the stage. After a smattering of applause from the patrons, he looks up to see what the next act is and. Well. No one else seems to be making a move towards the stage. That’s that, he guesses. Only.

Only the siblings from before are talking and half-glancing at him and now Zoe is _pointing_ and Connor is frowning and Zoe is standing and now Connor is too and. They probably overheard Jared earlier, somehow and they’re coming to kill Evan and. Oh god.

Oh god. Oh god. They’re walking up to him. Evan can’t deal with this right now.

He takes a few deep breaths and wishes for the best. They’re most likely just ordering. He only has to pour out a few sentences. Easy peasy.

“Hi, what can I get you tonight?” Evan asks.  
Except, really, it kind of ends up as more of a frantic “hIWHATcanigetYOUTONIGHT”. _Real smooth there, Evan._

Zoe smiles at him kindly. “I’ll get a medium hazelnut macchiato, and,” She turns to face her brother.

“Large mocha, thanks.”

They pay, and just as Evan writes up their orders, he hears Zoe loudly say,

“Welp, I need to go to the bathroom. Guess it’ll just be the two of you then!”

And by the time he looks up, she is gone. Evan finds himself staring straight into Connor’s eyes, and immediately directs his gaze downwards.

“Fuck.” He hears Connor mutter under his breath. “Zoe, what the actual fuck?”

Evan coughs awkwardly, trying to fill the silence. And then he. Well.

“Your voice is- it’s really nice.”

Connor just. Looks at him. Like Evan’s some weird alien species he’s never seen before and not a totally normal, slightly sweaty-slash-generally damp young adult.

“Well, I mean, I’ve never, this is my first open mic night. Working here. And I just. Your voice. It’s nice, I mean.”

Finally, Connor opens his mouth to speak. “Uh, thanks, I guess. I mean, I know I don’t sound like total shit, but no one’s really told me that before. Except Zoe, but she’s…”

“Your sister?”

“Yeah, she’s supposed to, I guess. Y’know, she-”

He’s cut off by an overly enthusiastic Jared, setting two drinks down onto the counter. With a glint in his eye, and a massive grin on his face. Evan knows exactly what he’s going to say, but by the time he can react, it’s too late. The damage has been done.

“Whoo! Go Acorn! Get some!”

Evan turns red. “Jared!”

“So, Mysterious Hot Stranger. I see you’ve taken interest in kind, sweet Evan here. Don’t break his heart, or I’m afraid I’ll have to beat you up. Evan, your shift is over in five. Have fun kids, and most importantly, be safe.” With that, he strolls off.

Evan’s cheeks heat up, and he is sure that he is _actually_ turning into a tomato right now. This time, Connor is the one who coughs to break the silence. “And that was…?”

Evan sighs. “Jared. Childhood friend, barista, self-proclaimed guardian-slash-advisor of my love life. Or lack thereof, I guess.”

Connor chuckles softly. It’s an angelic sound, Evan thinks. “So, uh,” he squints, struggling to read Evan’s name badge in the low light. “...Evan, your shift is over soon?”  
Evan nods.

“Cool.” Connor replies, just as Zoe rejoins them.

“Hey guys…” she says, elongating the ‘ey’, with a hint of mischief in her voice. “You two getting along?”

Evan swears he sees Connor go red as he rolls his eyes and picks up the two cups on the counter, and hands one to Zoe. He flashes Evan a half-smile. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”

And then they turn, and they leave.

And then Evan is alone. And he has no idea what in the hell just happened.

 

* * *

 

After a few minutes, Alana returns, and Evan is relieved of his shift. He goes into the back and hangs up his apron, and then grabs his coat and heads to his car. It’s cold out, and he does a half-jog, cursing himself for parking so far away in the lot. Retrieving his keys from his coat pocket, he gets in his car, buckles up, and twists his key into the ignition.

And his engine sputters once, twice, and gives out completely.

Evan slams his head into steering wheel. He tries the ignition again and again. Nothing. This is what he gets for driving a car manufactured in the nineties, he figures.

Giving up, Evan sets his head on the steering wheel again, gently this time, in resignation. He lets out an elongated groan. _This is great,_ he thinks. _Just, totally. Great. I’m stuck here, in the cold, panicking in a broken down car, and I probably wouldn’t even be in this situation if I’d just gone to that stupid workshop about car maintenance that mom mentioned one time. Plus-_

Evan’s self pity is interrupted by a knock on the window beside him. His brain flashes through worst-case scenarios as he looks up- _Jaredserialkillermurdererpoliceohgodwhatifimdoingsomethingillegalrightnow-_

And oh. Uh.

Standing there, with what might be a look of concern on his face, is none other than Connor Murphy. Blushing, Evan hastily goes to roll down his window, stops when he realizes, no, he doesn’t want that awkward terrible-romcom-moment, and instead swings his door open.

“Hi,” he says, somewhat out of breath.

“Yo,” Connor replies. “You alright there?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, no, I’m fine.”

Beat.

“Actually no, I’m totally not, my car won’t start and I know like, virtually nothing about cars and _engines_ and stuff and like-”

Connor is still staring at him.

“-I could walk home, I guess, but that’d take me at least an hour, and it’s late, and cold, not to mention-”

Realizing he’s mid-ramble, Evan cuts himself off. “Sorry.”

Connor shrugs. “I don’t know shit about cars either, so I can’t help you there, but I could give you a lift home if you’d like?”

Evan blanches, because he certainly would never expect a practically-stranger to offer him a ride home at quarter past eleven in the evening. “Oh no, you couldn’t, I’d be such an imposition and-”

“‘s fine.” Connor interrupts, the image of nonchalance.

“Are you sure? I mean, won’t your sister mind, or like, I don’t want you to waste gas money on me or whatever, and-” Evan is breathing heavily, in a semi-state of panic, because he is just Boring Plain Evan Hansen and people don’t normally notice him, let alone do nice things for him and-

“Hey.” Connor says, a tone of annoyance peeking through. “It’s fine. Zoe’s getting a ride to her girlfriend’s place, and I’m not gonna, like, kill you or anything. Contrary to popular belief.”

Evan isn’t sure why Connor added that last part in, and it kind of worries him, and it occurs to him that he hasn’t yet panicked about the prospect of getting in a stranger’s car, and.

And he still isn’t panicking. So that’s a surprise.

It’s starting to rain, and Evan suddenly becomes aware of the fact that Connor is currently standing outside of his car, getting wet.

“Oh-okay then, thank, uh, thank you. Really.” Evan finally pipes up, pulling his keys out of the ignition and sliding out of his seat into the cold, rainy air. He slams his door shut before locking the car, and then promptly pockets his keys.

Connor flashes that half-smile of his at him again, and gestures into the lot of cars before shoving his hands into his coat pockets. “I’m parked a little further down.”

“Cool.”

 

Connor’s car turns out to be what looks like a nondescript silver sedan, but, Evan discovers as he walks over to the passenger side door, is actually a Lexus.

“Nice car,” Evan hums, as Connor unlocks it using a fob.

He slides into the driver’s seat. “Eighteenth birthday present. Bit lavish, I know, but so are my parents. And hey, it takes me places.”

Evan slips into the passenger seat. “As every decent car should.” he jokes.

“Exactly."

They slip into silence as Connor navigates out of the parking lot. It’s rather uncomfortable, and Evan realises he hasn’t even given his address to his ride.

“Princess Street.” he pipes up. “That’s where I live, I mean, I’m not just naming some random street. I don’t- my home is near college, so that’s why I don’t live in the dorms.”

Connor nods in affirmation. “Princess Street. Any music requests?”

“Radio’s fine. Or any CDs you have in, or, just, anything is fine, really.”

“Radio it is,” says Connor, leaning over to prod at some buttons in the center console. Softly, the sound of an old Radiohead song pours in.

“You know,” Evan starts, amusement in his voice. “My car doesn’t even have a CD player.”

“No way.” Connor replies.

Evan smiles. “I do, however, have a cassette player.”

Connor laughs at that, a genuine, earnest laugh, and Evan finds his heart melting. “Shit, dude. I can’t tell if that’s really sad or actually pretty cool. What kinda tapes do you have?”

Evan hesitates for a second, wondering if he should be honest. The truth is a little lame, he thinks. “Mostly mixtapes my mom made in the nineties.”

“Cute,” Connor chuckles, and Evan feels his face turn red. They drive on in semi-silence, only the hum of the radio keeping them company.

Neither of them speak until Connor turns onto the highway. He glances at Evan, brow slightly furrowed.

“Shit, you’re in my Lit class, aren’t you? How did I not realise until now?”

Evan shrugs, casting his gaze down to his feet. “Well, I mean, nobody really notices me, so.”

There’s a moment of silence between them, before Connor replies. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing, y’know,”

Evan looks up, heralding an inquisitive expression.

“Not being noticed, I mean. Back in high school, I was- people paid too much attention to me. For good reason, I guess. I would have given anything to just be, like, this barely-in-the-background kinda guy.” Connor takes a deep breath. “Instead, I was Connor Murphy: the kid who threw a printer at Mrs G. in second grade. Resident psycho stoner. Most likely to shoot up the school.”

Evan is. Well. Shocked is an understatement. This Connor Murphy, present Connor Murphy just seems so- ‘chill’ wouldn’t be the right word, but being around him just seems to calm Evan somehow, lower the volume on his anxiety. Connor’s presence is just. Nice.

“Shit, you probably didn’t need me to unload all that emotional baggage or whatever on you. I’m just gonna, like, shut up now.”

Evan finds himself speaking up. “No, it’s okay, I, uh, didn’t have the best high school experience either.”

Connor chuckles. “Did anyone?”

“Cheerleaders and football players.” Evan says instinctively, and continues after Connor raises an eyebrow. “My mom, she uh, used to say they’re the only people who enjoy high school. Then they end up miserable afterwards. And, yeah, that seems about right.”

 

An awkward silence settles between them, and Evan quickly takes to picking at his cuticles, gaze averted down.

Connor coughs gently, rocking Evan out of his stupor. “So, you’re friends with Alana, right? Or, should I say, ‘acquaintances’?”

“A-Alana Beck? Yeah, she, um, she works with me at the cafe. Which, I mean, I assume you knew that. We don’t share any classes, but we went to high school together?” Evan offers, sounding more like a question than statement. “We, uh, I didn’t go to this college last year, so I think she missed having me to talk to, in a way.”

“Wait, you transferred here?”

“Well, I mean, not really, technically, but this is only my first year here. I spent last year saving up enough credits at the local community college to transfer in the fall. Which I did.”

Connor hums. “Same. Well, I didn’t do too well in high school, so I spent _my_ last year pretty much getting my shit together.”

Evan smiles nervously. “So, how do you know Alana?”

“Oh, yeah. She and Zoe are dating. So basically, all the time that she doesn’t spend studying or working, she’s over at our place.”

Evan’s smile is more confident now. “Yeah, now that I think about it, she does mention her girlfriend a lot.”

“Yeah. Also I’m like, ninety-percent sure that Zoe ran off to the bathroom to go make out with her.”

Evan’s pretty sure that he’s more blush than actual human being, by this point.

 

Connor turns off the highway, and stops at a red light. His face is bathed in warm hues, and Evan can’t help but think about how angelic he looks. The sound of a Joy Division song on the radio can faintly be heard under the pitter-patter of rain on the car’s exterior. Connor hums along for a moment, before turning to face Evan, who quickly averts his stare.

“Favourite act of the night?” he asks. “Personally, I liked a couple of the poets. Always wanted to get into poetry.”

Evan glances down, trying to hid his blush. “You, probably. Well, you and Zoe, I mean. Your setlist was really-”

“Weird? Spontaneous?”

“Good, I was gonna say. I liked it a lot.”

“Well,” Connor replies. “That’s cool, that you liked it. Probably a good thing, too, since we pretty much play the same stuff every week. It’s all-”

He stops, hesitates for a second.

“Zoe and I, back in the day - and I mean, like, back in two-thousand-ten - we’d, uh, we would listen exclusively to like. The emo trinity. Y’know, Panic!, Fall Out Boy, MCR?”

Evan nods as Connor makes a left turn, waiting for him to continue. He Does Not Know, but it’s alright.

“Yeah, so, well, when we decided to play together, Zoe pretty much shoved some sheet music in my face all like ‘remember?’. And I told her, yeah, of course I did, I still listen to that shit now sometimes. As for the other stuff… Zoe is a huge Lorde fan, totally loves her, and Hozier is just. Fuckin’ neat, dude.”

Evan laughs gently at that. “You kind of look like him, you know?”

Connor snorts. “Oh yeah. Zoe tells me all the time. ‘Just grow a beard and tie your hair back.’ Not likely.”

Evan doesn’t think he can add anything to the conversation, doesn’t particularly want to interrupt whatever- whatever This moment is, so he goes back to messing around with his bitten-down nails.

 

“Where’re you at?” Connor asks suddenly.

Evan looks up at him, abruptly separating his thumb nail from his teeth. “S-sorry?”

“Which house is yours?”

Sure enough, they’ve reached Princess Street. Houses pass by, in between the motion of the windscreen wipers, as Connor slowly decelerates down the road. Evan looks out his window, spotting the Walkers at number eight, the Spiers at number ten, Mr. Rind at number twelve-

“Forty-two. Small, red bricks, opposite the playground,” Evan offers. Connor hums in acknowledgement, and pulls up beside Evan’s house moments later.

And then Evan is pulling open his door, thanking Connor for the ride, and remembering how his mother has taught him to be hospitable and kind to people who have been hospitable and kind to him.

“Would you want to come in, for, like, tea or coffee?”

It takes Evan a moment to realise what he’s just said. Apparently, all his logic has gone out the window, seeing as it is half-past eleven on a school college night, and he witnessed Connor chug down a coffee not even an hour ago. Plus, Connor coming inside means forcing Connor to run through the rain, which. Which would mean Evan forcing someone to get wet, so, like-

“Sorry, I mean, it’s late, and it’s raining, and you just had a coffee, you wouldn’t want another, unless you’re like, one of those people who drinks twenty coffees a day, which is totally fine, I’m not judging if you are, but you wouldn’t want to come inside just for-”

He’s cut off, yet again, by a Very Chill Connor.

“Dude, it’s fine. Tea sounds nice. If you want me.” A beat. “No need to apologise.”

 

He shuts off his engine, and he and Evan run to the shelter of Evan’s tiny front porch, as the rain continues to pound down around them. Evan fumbles with his keys, slightly clammy hands struggling to maintain a good grip. Eventually, he wrangles the door open and ushers Connor inside, flipping the lights on.

“It’s not much, but it’s home.”

Connor appears to be taking in the small entrance hallway, furnished with nothing more than a side table that holds a vase, photo frame, and a small stack of books.

“It’s nice.” he says. “Home-y.”

Evan smiles gently at that, and motions for Connor to follow him through to the kitchen. He goes to work grabbing the supplies for tea.

“Thank you again,” he repeats, while pulling two mugs out from a cupboard, “for everything tonight.”

Connor chuckles, taking the mugs from Evan and propping them up on the countertop. “I’ve told you already, it’s fine.”

Evan pauses, turned towards Connor while clutching multiple boxes of tea. “I know, but I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. I mean, I’m me. No one notices me, let alone gives me rides home when my car breaks down and I’m too much of a mess to even think about calling AAA or something-”

“Evan, look, it’s totally cool. I don’t mind at all.” Connor says. And then- “Calm the fuck down.”

Evan is caught off-guard. “I- what?”

“The tea,” Connor laughs, pointing towards Evan’s armfull of boxes. Evan realises that his attention is focused on, specifically, a tin with a turquoise and yellow patterned label.

“ _Calm The Fuck Down_ Tea.”

“Jared.” is all Evan can say in explanation.

“Jared?” Connor inquires.

“He… I- I have anxiety, in case you couldn’t tell. Like, proper, full-out diagnosed anxiety disorders, and Jared used to be a dick, like, not very nice about it. He, um, he bought me this tea for my birthday last year, and it’s actually really nice, and calming, and. Yeah. Plus, it makes my mom laugh.”

Connor goes off then, for real, full body-wracking peals of laughter. Evan doesn’t quite know what’s so funny.

“I, uh, was it that great of a story?”

He isn’t met with an answer. Instead- “Oh my god, I need some of that. For real.”  
  
Evan is still very confused.

Wiping tears from his eyes, Connor goes on. “The reason Zoe and I originally started playing music together was like… my therapist suggested I do it as a quote, unquote ‘healthy outlet for my emotions’, which… surprisingly worked really well. God knows I’m not- I wasn’t the calmest guy around.”  
  
Evan nods, finally following.

“So, yeah, that tea sounds nice.”

 

* * *

 

The two of them go about the motions of making tea, stopping every once in a while to point out Connor’s brewing flaws.

_“Connor, this isn’t- you aren’t meant to add milk to this tea.”_ __  
  
“Fuck you, I do what I want!”

_“Oh, I-”_

_“Shit, Evan, I meant that as a joke.”_

_“No, I- oh geez, please don’t add that much milk.”_

By the time they both have adequate (by Connor’s standard, not Evan’s) mugs of tea in their hands, it’s well past midnight, and the rain has slowed.

 

* * *

 

“So, stop me if I’m getting way too personal, but where’re your parents, dude? Do they normally stay out this late?”

Evan frowns. “Well, my dad left when I was seven-” He pauses, seeing Connor’s concerned expression. “-it’s fine, I’m way over it - and my mom’s uh, she’s at work. She’s a nurses aide, at Sunset Oaks- you know, the nursing home? So I just, I spend most of my time here alone when I’m not at class. I’m used to it.”

Connor takes a thoughtful sip, then looks up at Evan. “Hand me your phone.”

“Huh?”

“Just. Number? I’ll put my number in there.”

As Evan scrambles to pull his phone from his pocket, he wonders if this makes Connor a friend.

_No, not a friend just yet_ , he thinks. Just because Connor drove him home and they are currently drinking tea in Evan’s living room, coats still on and _oh god I never offered to take his coat oh no,_ it does not mean they’re friends. Just acquaintances, Evan thinks, pushing the thoughts of _you’re turning into Alana_ away. Just acquaintances, for now at least. And then Evan clicks on his phone and. Oh. Oh shit.

 

_[3 MISSED CALLS FROM JARED]_

 

He opens up his messaging app, where he has eleven unread texts from Jared.

 

_Jared [11:24PM]:_

> _ev my buddy my boy my pal, ur car is out here + u are not. what hte fuck_
> 
> _did mr emo kidnap u_
> 
> _are u his type_
> 
> _EVAN SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK EHWRE ARE U_
> 
> _AIGHT I’M CALLING U HOLD UP_
> 
> _RING RING BITCH WHERE IS UR DUMB ASS_
> 
> _alright im not gonna call the cops until morning so i hope for ur sake that u just left ur phone on silent n like_
> 
> _took an uber home_
> 
> _or some shit_
> 
> _text me back b4 then_
> 
> _pls_
> 
>  

“Uh, sorry, just a second,” Evan says to Connor, and with shaking, slightly sweaty fingers, he types out a reply.

 

_Sorry to make you worry! I’m fine :) Car broke down is all. I got a lift home, and yes, my phone was on silent. Please don’t call the police :(_

 

Except, his phone screen doesn’t want to cooperate with his hands, so the message he ends up sending looks a little more… unrefined.

 

_Evan [11:46PM]:_

> _Ssorry to make you worru! I’m fine :) Car broke dpwn is all. I got a lift homee, and yes, my phone was on solent. Please dpn’t xall the police :(_

 

Shaking his head at the typo-riddled text, Evan opens up his contacts app and passes the phone over to Connor, who gently sets his mug down on the table. It’s silent for a minute, and Evan is beggining to wonder what in-depth information Connor is adding to his profile, when Connor lets out a gentle cough, drawing Evan’s attention.

“Uh. How do I, like…” he trails off.

“How do you make a contact?” Evan asks, noticing Connor’s rising blush.

Connor nods shortly, obviously embarrassed by his lack of knowledge on how to work Evan’s weird, off-brand cell phone. Which. Fair enough.

“You just…” Evan scrolls back up to the top, and hits the ‘new contact’ button. “There.” He hands the phone back to Connor.

“Ah, great, thanks.”

Within thirty seconds, the phone is back in Evan’s hand, the contact named ‘connor from work but not really’ a new addition to the few others.

“I, uh- feel free to change the contact name,” Connor tells him. “Just- yeah.”

Evan hesitates momentarily, before clicking on Connor’s contact and adding two emojis to his name- a mug and a music note. Then, he sends him a ‘hey’.

“So you have my number,” he explains, as Connor pulls his own phone - a top-of-the-line iPhone- out.

“Shit,” Connor frowns, glancing at his lockscreen, and setting his mug down on the coffee table. “I should probably- I should get going. You gonna be okay without your car?”

“Yeah, I’ll, I’ll call AAA,” Evan replies, which really means _“Yeah, I’ll get my mom to call AAA for me because, after all these years of meds and therapy, I still can’t talk on the phone”._

“Thanks for asking. I’ll uh, I’ll show you out.”

“Thanks for the tea.” Connor tells him.

“Thanks for the ride. Really, thank you.”

Connor flashes Evan another awkward half-smile. “No problem.” he says, stepping onto Evan’s porch. “See you around, I guess?”

Evan smiles at that. “Of course. Just don’t… don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

Connor looks up, with what might be surprise in his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Drive safe.”

 

And then Connor is gone, half-jogging through the downpour, ducking into his car. Evan feels his phone vibrate a second before Connor pulls onto the street, and he digs it out of his pocket.

 

_connor from work but not really [12:41AM]:_

> _my sister was trying to like_
> 
> _set us up_
> 
> _earlier_
> 
> _i mean like_
> 
> _bc i may have made an offhand remark about you being cute_
> 
> _just so you know_
> 
> _anyway see you in class ig_
> 
> _if u want_

 

_Evan [12:43AM]:_

> _See you! :)_


	2. i'm shooting for the moon, you're painting me in indigo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor murphy can't stop thinking about the cute boy he met at his local open mic night. zoe and alana can't either. shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOO BABY WE'RE BACK with our sequel chapter....... sorry about the long wait djfshjlkjfjsh   
> this gets gay and pine-y, be warned.
> 
> ALSO quick trigger/content warning for brief allusions to self harm/suicide, and anger problems. i think that's all.

“So,” Zoe Murphy says, dropping her backpack on the countertop before turning back to lock the apartment door. “How’ve you been?”

Connor Murphy huffs. “Look who’s gracing us with her presence.” he replies, grabbing a carton of juice from the fridge. He looks down and frowns. “Multi-vitamin? Really?”

“One, I was at Alana’s for _one_ night, and then went straight from there to class, not like it hasn’t happened before. Two, yes, multi-vit, it’s delicious and anyone who thinks otherwise is either a liar or a fool.”

Zoe says this with a glint of dead seriousness in her eyes, but Connor knows better than to take his sister too seriously. He scoffs at her.

“Okay, your opinions on juice are kind of concerningly strong, and in my defence, I get lonely.” he jokes.

Zoe snorts. “You’re just jealous ‘cause you’re single.”

“Maybe so.”

They both know it’s not true, Connor has no problem at all being single. It leads to more downtime for him, plus he’s never had to go through that awkward phase of the relationship where his boyfriend asks why Connor takes like three different pills in the morning and why his thighs are all-

Okay, so maybe Connor shouldn’t worry so much about anyone judging him and his past based on old scars. Literally.

Either way, that isn’t the main reason he isn’t looking for anyone to date. It’s just. Effort. It’s a lot of effort that Connor can’t find himself putting in. Isn’t prepared to put in. Or so he tells himself.

In reality though, it’s rejection he’s scared of. That, and being hurt, damaged, scarred-

“We on for movie night?” Zoe asks, breaking Connor out of his thoughts. “Or did you have other plans?”

Friday night is movie night for the siblings, a fairly new tradition. The Murphy household was always too tense, Connor thinks, and attempts at family movie time almost always ended with screaming matches and tears. Never for any good reason, too.

He nods at Zoe. “Yeah, yeah, we’re good. As long as we have popcorn.”

Zoe smiles, digging through her handbag and procuring two bags of microwave popcorn. “Picked some up on my way home, since we were running low. I know how pissy you get without it.”

“What’s a movie without snacks?” Connor questions. “No, seriously. What are you meant to do with your hands? Just sit there like a, a- a snackless menace, that’s what.”

“And you tell me _I_ have concerningly strong food-related opinions?”

“No, that’s different,” Connor says, finally pouring a glass of juice. “Your opinions are beverage-related.”

With that, he picks up his glass and the carton of juice, one-handedly opening the fridge and shoving the container back into place, before retiring to his room.

“Same thing!” Connor hears his sister call from behind him. He grunts and swings his bedroom door open, before gently placing down his glass on his desk and throwing himself onto his bed, pulling out his phone.

His lock screen shows him a few notifications, most notably,

_[3 TEXTS FROM EVAN]_

Quickly, Connor uses his Touch ID to unlock his phone, eager to see what Evan has sent him.

 

_evan [4:26PM]:_  

> _https://www.firebox.com/Calm-the-Fck-Down-Tea/p7275_
> 
> _Here’s a link to the tea from last night._
> 
> _In case you, like, wanted to buy any or anything._
> 
>  

_connor [5:02PM]:_

> _duuuuude thank you_
> 
> _def gonna get me some of that_
> 
>  

Connor opens up the link, thankful that he kept vague last night about his _old_ methods of attempting to calm himself - thankful that he didn’t tell Evan about how he’d resorted to weed for most of high school. Sure, Connor still enjoys getting a little high every once in a while, but he’s in no way dependant on pot like he used to be. It’s a recreational thing, for real.

He bookmarks the link and goes back to his texts.

He doesn’t….. Connor has no idea how to start up a proper conversation with Evan. He knows what he _wants_ to ask, but somehow _‘hey so i called you cute and you didn’t really acknowledge that so maybe you’re straight and felt uncomfortable but also you told me we’d see each other in class so it seems like you’d be open to becoming friends at least so uh could you please try to clear that up for me k thanks’_ doesn’t seem very appropriate at this point in time.

Or maybe it isn’t _inappropriate,_ per se, and therefore sendable, and Connor just doesn’t know anything about communication.

Maybe some of both.

Yeah. Probably that.

Either way, Connor takes a swig of his juice, deciding on a safer topic of conversation.

 

_connor [5:06PM]:_

> _multi-vitamin juice: genuinely enjoyable and solid beverage or wannabe organic seven-dollar freshly pressed cafe juice?_
> 
> _discuss_

 

He nervously anticipates a response, fumbling with his phone for a minute and honest-to-god grinning when he feels it vibrate.

 

_evan [5:07PM]:_

> _Oh wow that sounds like one of those god awful college scholarship essay contest questions_
> 
> _Ummmmmm oh geez_
> 
> _Not gonna lie, I do enjoy a glass of multi-vit._
> 
> _Besides, who wants to spend $7 on juice anyway?_
> 
> _No offense to you of course! If you do_
> 
> _I just_
> 
> _Don’t_

 

_connor [5:09PM]:_

> _aww damn, thought you had my back there, dude_
> 
> _multi-vit is easily the worst of the generic grocery store juices_
> 
> _i mean i’ll still drink it but_
> 
> _how its anyones preference idk_
> 
> _+dw $7 juice isnt my thing_

 

They spend a solid fifteen minutes talking about juice, and then another couple talking about Evan’s car situation, which apparently got sorted out. Eventually, Evan declares he has a commitment to attend but _talk to you later!!_ , which makes Connor smile despite the initial worry of _okay then he’s bored of me this is fine._

Which. Like.

Connor’s allowed to have self-esteem issues bundled on top of everything else, it’s fine. Fine.

 

Instead of worrying, he distracts himself with typing up notes for his Philosophy paper, and, before he knows it, the time is half past seven and Zoe is barging into his room, loudly reminding him of _movie night_.

Connor is quick to cut in. “Alright, but I get to make the popcorn. You’re in charge of setting up Netflix.”

Zoe pouts. “That’s no fair. What’s wrong with my popcorn?”

“You- you know what’s wrong with your popcorn. I don’t know how, but you always burn it, Zoe, and I’m sick of having to brave my way through the bag and pretend like I don’t have taste buds.”

“Screw you! It’s not burned, it’s, it’s- it’s smoked. Yeah.”

Connor blanches. “Smoked?”

“Uh-huh. Like expensive Italian meats. Like- like you on any given morning back in high school.”

“Fuck you.” Connor says, but he’s smiling, and there’s no malice, to bite to his bark.

“ _Fuck_ you! _”_ Zoe grins back, equally cool.

 

Once everything is prepared, they settle onto the couch and become immersed in the film, which.

The movie Zoe has chosen for them is _Spy Kids,_ and although Connor really isn’t sure why he let her choose it, he isn’t necessarily complaining, either. It’s been a while since he last watched it, and he’d kinda forgotten how fucked up it was. The Thumb-Thumbs are, however, still as horrifying as he remembers.

Connor will never understand why Zoe enjoys this film so much. It’s- It’s the same as The Cat In The Hat, he reckons. Over-the-top awful visual effects that seemed really advanced and entertaining when they were kids, maybe. But now? Now he just- he doesn’t know how he feels about it, apart from strongly unsettled.

But hey. As long as Zoe thinks they’re bonding and it’s not doing any harm, Connor’s up for it.

A solid hour later, during a lull in the film, both siblings reach for the popcorn at the same time, knocking knuckles.

“So,” Zoe slyly grins, pushing Connor’s hand away and grabbing a handful of popcorn. “Evan Hansen, huh?”

Connor is still focused on the film, and slightly thrown-off by the question. “Who?”

Zoe leans over, punching Connor’s upper arm. “Cute barista dude from last night.”

Connor is… confused, to say the least.

“How do you know his full name, yet I don’t? Don’t tell me you tried to Facebook stalk him.”

Zoe pulls the bowl of popcorn closer towards her. “I mean, now that you mention it…”

God, Connor does not need this. “Zoe.” he says.

“Okay, fine. I may or may not have mentioned to Alana how you were thirsting after him-”

Connor feigns a gag. “Wrong word choice. Oh my God.”

“...and she may or may not have told me a bit about him. Also, we kind of formulated a plan to use in case you didn’t end up asking him out-”

She pauses.

“Which, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if you did? But he’s been blowing up your phone all evening, so, you obviously got somewhere.”

Connor frowns, and leans forward to pick up his phone. Sure enough, his lock screen is littered with texts from Evan. “You’re unbelievable, do you know that? He didn’t just… ‘give’ me his number, he-”

Zoe cuts him off. “Yeah, actually, I was wondering about that. When I got back to you the other night, it really didn’t seem like you’d gotten far.”

Connor sighs. “His car broke down last night, so I gave him a lift home. He invited me in for tea, we hit it off-” He sees Zoe’s raised eyebrows. “Not like that. As friends.”

“Oh, really?”

Connor rolls his eyes. “Yes, really, now shut up. Anyway, we chatted, and the guy sounded a little lonely - not that it’s any of your business - so I gave him my number. No big deal. Then I thanked him and left.”

“Uh, yeah big deal.” Zoe says, excitedly. “You two _hit it off!_ You gave him your number! He texted you!

“Yeah, and we’ve talked about tea, cars, and juice. Let it go.” Connor mumbles. He doesn’t- he doesn’t need his sister trying to mess with his love life like this, attempt to push pieces into place. He’s- he can deal on his own.

Zoe frowns, obviously wanting to continue the conversation, but she doesn’t push on. Instead, she leans back and they finish the film.

* * *

 

Connor goes about his weekend as normal- He and Zoe decide to start binge-watching a new comedy - _“But like, an actually really good one.”_ \- on the weekend, then Zoe has Alana come over to help her do research for some assignment. Connor’s convinced that they just spend most of their time together in Zoe’s bedroom getting it on, but he stops that thought before he’s had time to dwell on it - he really doesn’t want to think about his sister like that. At all. Ever.

He also continues to text Evan, but that’s like. Chill. Casual. Not important at all.

 

* * *

 

Come Monday night, Connor and Zoe are chilling in their living room area, going over some songs. Zoe has her guitar out and laptop open in front of her. She reads over chords, while Connor scrolls through lyrics on his phone.

“Hey, Zo,” he says, voice low, cautious, once they’ve gone through their current song a couple of times. “I’ve had this one song in my head for a couple days now- reckon we could try it?”

“Of course.” Zoe smiles. “What song?”

“Y’know that _Joy Division_ one? _‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’_?”

Honestly, Connor hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since it played in his car the other night with Evan. He’s been trying not to get his hopes up with Evan, telling himself that they’re just casual acquaintances, not even really friends, let alone _going out_ or whatever.

But, just. The way Evan looked, face bathed in the red of the stoplight as he told Connor he enjoyed his act, _Love Will Tear Us Apart_ playing gently? He was already a fan of the song, but something about it keeps making its way into Connor’s mind.

_Probably Evan’s face,_ his brain tells him. Connor does his best to ignore it, noticing how Zoe lights up.

“That used to be one of mom’s favorites, you know, back in the day.”

“Yeah,” Connor hums. “I remember her singing along to it when we were little.”

_Before everything went to shit,_ they both silently leave out. Neither sibling likes to bring up their childhood, because that era of their lives only served as the calm before the storm. Connor hates thinking of it like that, and he knows Zoe does too, but it’s the truth. It was the peace before Connor’s brain started being shitty, causing him to be shitty and act out and do dumb shit like start smoking cigarettes and then far too much marijuana and-

Zoe cuts off his thought train. She seems to be good at recognising when her brother’s brain is spiralling, and Connor is thankful for that.

“I’ll look up tabs, then?”

Connor smiles back at her. “Let’s go.”

The song itself is more than simple enough for Zoe to play, but when she finds out there’s a Fall Out Boy cover version, she goes wild.

“I- this exists? And I didn’t know about it until now?”

“ _I_ knew about it,” Connor smirks, and Zoe threatens him with her capo.

“Okay, whatever, I hate you. I’m looking up tabs.”

“No, we’re doing the original.” Connor insists. “I’m doing it for-”

He cuts himself off. _Fuck._

“You’re doing it for-?” Zoe probes. “For what. For _who?”_ She gasps. “Don’t tell me the cute guy mentioned it being his favorite song in your bonding sesh the other night- wait, no. _Please_ tell me he mentioned it being his favorite song in your bonding sesh. Oh my God.” She’s working herself up with excitement.

“Zoe.” Connor says. “No, he didn’t, it just-” he doesn’t know how to phrase it. “-reminds me of him.”

Zoe’s response has him thinking it’s the wrong choice of words.

“Oh. My God. That’s- you are in _deep,_ Connor. You have- there’s a song that reminds you of him! And it’s not even some mushy love song, it’s like the opposite! You’ve seen him I-R-L _once_ , that’s- you-”

Zoe is physically unable to finish her sentence, stuttering all over the place, her voice getting higher with each word.

Connor shakes his head. “Please, don’t ever say I-R-L out loud again. Please.”

Zoe grins, picking up her guitar again. “I’m not making any promises. And I am _not_ dropping this.”

Connor can feel himself getting more and more pissed at Zoe, can feel the anger building in him.

_Fuck, no, not now._

By now, he knows how to deal with this. With his anger issues, his rage, his stupid fucked up brain and temperament. He closes his eyes and draws in a deep breath, before exhaling slowly. Repeats this several times.

Zoe, to her credit, seems to have realised how much she’s riled Connor up, and has a frown on her face. She tries to avoid her brother when he’s in a bad mood, and for good reason. He can get-

He can get bad.

Has gotten bad on many occasions.

Thankfully, Connor regains his temper and collects himself after a couple moments, quietly apologizing to Zoe, who shoots him a sad smile.

“Sorry.” she says, an unspoken _I’m happy your anger issues are being resolved and you no longer threaten me the way you used to_ hanging between her soft breaths. Then- “We good?”

“We good.” Connor responds.

With that, Zoe lets loose the opening riff of _Love Will Tear Us Apart._

 

* * *

 

Tuesday is. Tuesday is something.

Connor starts his day with English Lit, the one class he shares with Evan. He walks into the lecture theatre a couple minutes earlier than usual, pausing at the doorway like some kind of moron as he attempts to scope out Evan.

He’s sitting alone, in the middle to the right, flipping through a book. Connor smiles instinctively, because apparently just the _sight_ of Evan is making him uncharacteristically mushy. There’s just something about him that makes Connor feel hopeful, despite the overwhelming doubt he has that Evan would be into him. Instead of lingering on that thought, Connor makes his way over, giving an awkward cough to announce his presence.

“Hey,” he says, muddling together every ounce of cool charm he possesses.

Evan looks up abruptly, recognition quickly dawning on his features. “Connor! Hey!”

They smile at each other, awkwardly there just Existing for a moment, and then Connor is going to ask if he can take a seat nearby, but Evan beats him to it.

“Would you like to- I mean it’s not- If you-”

He takes a breath, slowing himself down.

“Do you wanna, like, sit here?”

Connor smiles easily, cooly, and drapes his bag over the desk next to Evan’s, taking a seat. They make easy conversation before the lecture begins, and Connor learns that Evan is majoring in environmental science. How that never came up the other night, Connor doesn’t know, but he’s glad he’s learnt it now.

Once the lecture is over, Evan apologetically tells Connor that he can’t stay to chat because he has a lecture on the other side of campus to run to but _it was really nice talking to you today- see you tomorrow!_

Connor leaves the building grinning like an idiot, sure that if Evan Hansen keeps up being Like That, he is gonna start paying far too little attention to his Lit lecturer. It’s not even that Evan talks to him when the lecturer is going off about literary themes in _Jane Austen_ \- Connor wouldn’t be able to stand an asshole who purposely talks through a lecture - his presence is just enough to make Connor feel all. All. All warm and mushy. It’s something he’s never felt before.

Okay, so maybe he does really, really want to ask Evan Hansen out.

 

* * *

 

Connor chooses that night to confide in Zoe. Okay, so maybe _confide_ isn’t really the right word. _Confide_ implies that Zoe is unaware of Connor’s massively huge dumb crush on Evan. On the contrary, Zoe is unsettlingly aware.

No, rather than confide, Connor chooses that night to talk it out with Zoe. Because how could a bootleg therapy session with his sister ever go wrong?

It goes surprisingly really well, actually. Like, in the I-thought-you’d-give-me-some-dumb-bullshit-’just-ask-him-out’-speech-but-instead-you-sat-down-with-me-and-had-a-genuine-proper-conversation-with-me way. And now Connor has a capital-p Plan.

_Okay,_ he thinks, _that’s kind of incorrect._ It’s more of a contingency plan than anything, his _real_ plan being ‘see if you can somehow casually slide _“I like you so do you wanna go on a date with me”_ into conversation’. The contingency plan, for if Connor doesn’t ask Evan out within the next three weeks? Zoe and Alana’s original plan. To ambush Evan during his shift and Tell Him.

To be fair, neither of the two are real plans. Connor thinks he’s just on a secondhand high from Zoe’s enthusiasm, and frankly, she has more than enough to share around- so, with Connor’s blessing, Alana is invited over to be informed of Operation Get Connor His Guy.

_Hilariously_ , Zoe allegedly mistypes ‘guy’ as ‘gay’, and she spends the eight-minute wait laughing over it. Alana arrives to the sight of Zoe crouched over in peels of laughter, and eyes her brother suspiciously.

“Connor, what did you do to my girlfriend?”

“Hey, don’t blame me, she got herself this worked up.”

Once Zoe is done gasping for air, Alana suggests that the phrase _‘Get Connor His Gay’_ is _maybe_ subjectively funny, whereas Connor expresses his disdain. Zoe makes it her mission to convince both of them that it's the funniest phrase in the English language.

 

* * *

 

Wednesday and Thursday pass by in a flash, only sustained by Evan Hansen’s smile when Connor goes to sit next to him in English Lit, and the soft promise of _“see you tonight then?”_ after Thursday’s class. Connor may be red as a beet, but at least it’s worth it to hear Evan’s voice.

God, he’s in fuckin’ deep.

That night, an hour before he and Zoe leave to head to Déjà Brew Café with their equipment, Connor shoots off a quick text to Evan, praying his shift hasn’t started yet, and that he’ll be able to respond. He smiles when he sees his and Evan’s previous text conversation on his phone screen - an in-depth conversation on the trauma that _The Cat In The Hat -_ or, _Mike Myers’ Cat In The Hat,_ as Evan seems so intent on calling it - has caused them both.

Yeah, things are getting weirdly personal.

 

_connor [6:21PM]_  

> _quick question_
> 
> _absolutely no reason for it_
> 
> _at all_
> 
> _but ??????_
> 
> _whats ur fave song_

 

Evan’s reply is instantaneous (albeit lengthy), thank god, and Connor smiles to himself, not only at his response, but at the frequency of Evan’s apparent favourite response to any question.

 

_evan [6:22PM]_

> _Ummmm oh geez_
> 
> _I really don’t know??_
> 
> _Oh geez_
> 
> _Um_
> 
> _I have a lot_
> 
> _But right now it’s probably_
> 
> _Oh geez umm_
> 
> _Okay there’s this one guy? Lewis watson?_
> 
> _He has a song called little light that i really love_
> 
> _I mean the rest of his stuff is pretty amazing too, just_
> 
> _Yeah, that one_

 

“Hey, Zoe,” Connor yells across his apartment. “I have a proposition to make… you’re gonna go wild.”

 

* * *

 

Zoe does indeed go wild. The entirety of the open mic night, she sends smirks and glances in Connor’s direction, especially when she catches him staring at Evan from across the cafe. At a lull in the performances, Connor makes his move.

Well, not his move-move, but rather his physical move towards Evan. Well. His second for the night, of course, after having ordered his and Zoe’s drinks.

“Hey,” Connor says in a low voice, careful not to disrespect the performer on stage. Really _,_ he thinks, the performer decided to disrespect themself when they made the decision to sing _Wonderwall._ He assumes it’s ironic, but still. _Wonderwall._

“Hi,” Evan whispers with a smile, and Connor lets himself smile back. They sit there chatting for a minute about their lit assignment, fucking Wonderwall playing in the background, but Connor can’t find himself caring.

Okay, maybe he can. It’s cheesy as fuck, really. He tells this to Evan.

“Do people usually play Wonderwall?” Evan asks.

“Thankfully, no.” Connor replies, remembering that yes, Evan is less used to open mic nights here than he is, that Evan is the new one. “Normally we just stick to weird indie shit and poems.”

“And mid-2000s emo relics.” Evan adds.

“And mid-2000s emo relics.”

Part of Connor’s mind is telling him to _do it do it do it say it say it say it_ but he has a Plan, goddammit, a properly formed one as of tonight, and he’s determined to stick with it. Even if that means leaving Evan at the end of the night, after his and Zoe’s set, saying a solemn goodbye in the carpark as he confirms that Evan is having no car issues this time.

Connor breathes in, and he breathes out. The Plan.

It’ll all be worth it.

Hopefully.

If he doesn’t get rejected.

Connor tries not to dwell on it too long. He really, really tries.

 

* * *

 

Zoe ditches on movie night the next day, apologetically telling Connor that Alana has a big test to study for. It’s bullshit, of course, because it is a Friday and Alana has no classes the next day, or the day after that. Feeling dejected that his sister has scrapped their tradition for- well, sex, Connor makes the bold move of inviting Evan, his Totally Platonic Friend Pal whom he is Totally Romantically Crushing On over to his apartment.

Frankly, Connor doesn’t expect a positive response, but when Evan is asking _“I’m free now, or- what time?”_ he can’t say he’s not ecstatic. He almost texts Evan a casual _“yeah sure whenever”_ back, but thankfully remembers that _the dude has anxiety and probably won’t react well to that_ . Instead, he affirms a _“now is fine”,_ and texts Evan his address.

 

_Awkward_ probably isn’t the right word to describe the atmosphere once Evan arrives. _Tense_ isn’t quite it, and neither is _stilted_ . It’s the first time the two of them have been alone together since last week’s midnight tea crusade, and _gee wow was it only really last week when we met? Time sure is funny_ is a little too on the nose for Connor to say, perhaps.

Or maybe he’s just drastically overthinking things again. Yeah, he rationalises, it’s probably that.

They decide on watching _Thor: Ragnarok_ because it is, as Connor puts it, a “fuckin’ kick ass film”, and Evan seems to agree.

Evan, it seems, isn’t one for conversation during movies. Which would normally be fine by Connor, but the entire Friday Night Movie experience is hindered by the blanket of God Damn Eh-Ness that seems to have descended upon the boys. Connor keeps stealing glances at Evan during the film, and Evan leaves almost immediately after it finishes, claiming he needs to wake up early for his shift tomorrow morning, which.

Connor is a little saddened when he shuts the door behind Evan. Well, more than a little. He sighs, actually _sighs,_ then goes to his room and opens his computer and finds _Little Light_ on Spotify and plonks down onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling as the song plays on repeat.

_But ever since I found you, a little light is breaking through._

And if he sheds a tear or two, no one has to know.

He’s just.

He’s in too fucking deep.

God, help his soul.

 

* * *

 

The weekend passes and Connor and Zoe rehearse and rehearse and rehearse and Connor’s voice goes hoarse from singing and he sinks down onto his bed, throat lozenge in his mouth, listening to that godforsaken song again and again and again and again.

The week passes and Connor sees Evan in class and chats with him and offers up a friendly smile and pines and pines and pines and then all of a sudden it’s Thursday and class is over and it’s Time.

Connor digs through the back of his closet to find his blazer, the one his mom made him buy once _“just in case you have a job interview, or need some formal wear, anything-”_ and throws it on, on top of a navy button-up and his regular faded black jeans. _A_ for effort?

Zoe seems to approve, so it’s good enough for him.

 

Connor is all nerves on the way to Déjà Brew. Luckily, Zoe is driving, and she throws on some Hozier in an attempt to distract her brother.

It doesn’t work, memories of _“You kind of look like him, you know?”_ hanging fresh in his head.

 

They order their usual, medium hazelnut macchiato and large mocha, and Connor gives a shy wave to Evan, who is in charge of making the drinks tonight, rather than his regular role of taking orders. Alana is up front instead, which Connor knows for a fact is to grab Evan’s attention during his and Zoe’s set. _Fuck,_ he thinks, _this sure is happening._

Connor and Zoe are on last, and their first two songs go well, if well is Connor forgetting the words to the bridge of the first and miscounting his six bars rest of the second. He swallows deeply, closes his eyes, and waits for Zoe to play the oh-too-familiar riff of _Love Will Tear Us Apart._

Miraculously, nothing goes wrong. Connor remembers the lyrics and counts correctly and sees Evan turn to Alana and tell her something a few moments in. Connor can only pray it’s something positive, and not a criticism of the song, his voice, his choice of clothing.

Evan bops his head along to the tune though, which, Connor hopes, is indicative of him liking the performance.

As soon as that’s done and dusted, Connor awkwardly clears his throat, first looking towards Zoe, who gives him a nod of approval, then the audience. Specifically, a certain face in the audience.

“This is for you,” he says as Zoe opens the song on guitar, horrifically vague yet terribly specific.

 

“ _Staring at the clouds, looking for a silver lining,”_

Recognition blooms in Evan’s features.

_“_ _I was caught in a cocoon but now you got me feeling butterflies,”_

Connor’s insides are tumultuous, in a state of unrest.

_“Dreaming in the lows, I never thought I'd see this high,”_

Despite it being horribly cliche, he feels this is better than any high he’s experienced.

_Now I'm shooting for the moon, you're calling me a lunar light_

Evan is as beautiful as ever, painted softly in the low light, lips ever-so-slightly parted.

 

_“And all this shade is illuminating,_

_And all those love lines are taking shape,_

_And all my worries, disintegrating,_

_And I've been waiting, I've been waiting,_

_And all my days were young and wasted,_

_When I was waiting, oh for you._

_And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading,_

_But ever since I found you,_

_A little light is breaking through.”_

 

And Connor’s life is literally a terrible romance novel, because a single tear rolls down his left cheek and he smiles softly at Evan yet again as Zoe strums away.

They finish the song without a hitch, thank god, to applause from the cafe’s staff and patrons. Jared, Evan’s friend, is whooping and cheering in the back, and Connor knows that Zoe, the cheeky bastard, somehow got him involved. Probaby via Alana. Definitely via Alana.

 

“So,” Connor asks, once he’s made his way to where Evan is standing behind the counter. “What do you think?”

Evan hesitates a horrible, terrible moment, before telling Connor “It’s ten-thirty, give me a moment to clock off.”

Connor stands trembling for a horrid two minutes, feeling an anxiety that he’s never felt before. Evan finally emerges from the backroom. “Let’s go outside- if you don’t mind.”

Connor nods, unable to say anything, mind filled with too many thoughts spiralling and spiralling and- it’s raining outside, how fucking cliche can one night get?

“Wow, uh, thanks,” Evan says. “For the, uh. Homage, I guess? It was really nice, you have a really nice voice, and I mean, I mean enough to you, as like, a friend, for you to sing a song for me. I’m really touched.”

_He’s straight he doesn’t like you he can’t believe you just did that you disgust him nothing is ever good you can’t even fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._

Everything positive Connor has ever built up in his mind is crashing down, like a toddler knocking over his building blocks, like an eight year old throwing a printer, like a seventeen year old-

“Evan, you oblivious piece of shit, he _fucking likes you!”_ comes a yell from behind Connor, startling him out of his spiralling headspace.

Connor whirls, and Jared, annoying fucking Jared is standing there, doing an actual facepalm in defeat, as if he just can’t believe what is happening around him.

Connor sure can’t, because one moment he is thinking that Evan never wants anything to do with him again, the next he is hearing Evan say, tentatively, gently, “Uh, you- you do? Wow, uh, gee- geez. Can I- can I kiss you?”

And then Connor is leaning down slightly as Evan tilts his own head up and.

 

And then they kiss.

 

And it’s nothing like Connor’s ever experienced before, heartbeat going fucking wild as his eyelids flutter closed and he feels Evan’s, the greatest boy he’s ever kinda-known’s lips against his.

They both pull back after a few seconds, and Connor is sure he’s blushing just as hard, if not harder than Evan.

“Evan,” Connor mutters. “I really fucking like you, dude.”

The ‘ _dude’_ , admittedly, kind of ruins it, but then Evan responds, saying “I really, really like you too- dude.” back and then they lean towards each other again, their lips meeting for the second time.

Evan smiles against Connor’s mouth. “We have a lot to discuss.”

Connor smiles back, ignoring Jared’s dumb cackling laughter in the background alongside Zoe  and her Alana shrieking with joy from the doorway, and the rain getting heavier, beginning to soak the two of them. It’s so fucking cliche, Connor doesn’t know if it’s real.

But he’s here, for now, and he’ll take it, just like how he takes Evan’s hand.

 

“Yeah, I’d say so.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading !!!!!!!!!!!! hmu at @mostamazingtrees on tumblr!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> songs sung/mentioned:  
> northern downpour - panic! at the disco (not to say i blame tdt for this, but. well.)  
> (coffee's for closers) - fall out boy  
> supercut - lorde (look. i don't specify which melodrama song zoe sings but supercut goes fucking hard and i love it so much. enough to name another fic after, in fact)  
> sedated - hozier  
> how to disappear completely - radiohead  
> love will tear us apart - joy division  
> little light - lewis watson
> 
> am i completely projecting my favourite artists/songs onto connor and zoe? absolutely. but i'm valid and if you do the same then you are, too.
> 
> thank you so much for reading, hmu on [tumblr](https://mostamazingtrees.tumblr.com/) for more fun times.


End file.
